How to avoid lowering the bar for humanity

If you want to help humanity's derailed evolution get back on the tracks, there are a number of simple things you can do. You can lower your reliance on fossil fuel. You can read a book. Ride your bike. Practice yoga. Buy local and organic. Learn a second language. And, for the love of god, buddha, allah and the flying spaghetti monster, don't buy a Hannah Montana acoustic guitar.



The reasons for not buying one may seem obvious. Number one, neither Miley Cyrus nor her Disney-spawned alter ego Hannah Montana are known for their guitar playing. Prancing around on stage lip-syncing to music that could have been written by a supercomputer located under Space Mountain, yes. Mad fretboard skills and face-melting guitar solos, no. Number two, I think Miley Cyrus's ubiquitous presence need not be extended into musical instruments. She is a corporate brand, and I can come to peace with that fact. Sure, little girls around the nation have their Hannah Montana wardrobes so they can match with their Hannah Montana backpacks which will, of course, go well with their Hannah Montana school supplies and Hannah Montana cake decorations. There are the Hannah Montana toys that were tainted with lead, but hey, no one is perfect. But back to the point- do we really need her shilling musical instruments? I say no.

And let us not forget Billy Ray, Miley's dad. As much as we'd like to forget him, such neglect is dangerous. After all, I forgot all about him and the dump he took on popular music back in the day and guess what? He planted his achey-breaky seed and ushered into the world another vacuous tween icon. Given, one could argue that had Billy Ray not begat Miley, some other fame hungry pixie with sociopathic parents would have probably have stepped in and filled that role. But then Billy Ray would still be vanquished to the where are they now? bin and his career would still be flat-lined. To quote the creepy old New England guy in Pet Cemetary, sometimes dead is better.

Mind you, I understand why parents buy into things like Hannah Montana. It's hard to beat Disney's ability to program your children into telling you what you should buy them with the money you earned. Just remember, by doing so you are rewarding Billy Ray Cyrus. I hope you can live with that weighing down on your conscience.