Road Rage!

So I ride my bike to work 90% of the time, and the remaining 10% I take my American land yacht (95' Caprice Classic). Today was such a day, as both my commuter bikes are out of commission and I've been feeling a bit under the weather. My commute is a short one- in fact, it would be safe walking distance if I didn't need to pick up the cafe's scones from a local bakery. So driving a beast like my Caprice to pick up 4 scones is kinda like using an Abrams tank to hunt prairie dogs. But I digress. I almost always regret short drives because, invariably, someone drives like an asshole and I get angry.

American Land Yacht

Like the woman who decided to block a lane of traffic so she wouldn't have to park 15 feet further down the street. Nope, she was willing to park mid-lane while someone slowly lurched out of their spot. Meanwhile, my left turn was cut short and I'm now blocking another lane of traffic. But she stood resolute in her decision to wait for that rock star parking in front of the bakery. Lord knows the walk to the cafe from, say, half a block, would have been too much of a physical challenge. So I laid on the horn, and waited until the oncoming lane of traffic cleared, and rolled into a spot 15 feet away from that other driver. We arrived at the bakery at the same time. She looked embarrassed. She deserved to be embarrassed, as well as tarred and feathered.

When I commute via bicycle, the affects of idiot drivers still upsets me, but I can ride it off. I take that negative energy and immediately transfer it to kinetic energy. And then my brain rewards me with sweet, sweet endorphins plus I get to my destination faster. Sometimes when my life has been put into peril by a neglectful driver, it takes a little longer for me to shake the anger off. But most of the time I get off of my bike calm.

Cars, on the other hand, are a horse of a different color. I stew in my anger like a caged animal. It takes all of the anger management techniques I've ever learned to keep myself together. It totally sucks my sense of right and wrong out into a vacuum of unfathomable disgust. Road rage is real, and makes barista angst look downright sillier than it already is.

While stuck in our cars, where is the release valve for our road rage? If you are like me, a mantra of "fucking fuckity fuck fuck" helps, but it only goes so far. Nope, people, this is the crux of today's argument- when you're on a bike, your riding absorbs your rage, but if you are in car, your rage gets bottled up. And just like a storm drain that reaches capacity, it will overflow. Then guess what, you are just an angry animal operating heavy machinery. Sounds like a recipe for trouble.

Not that all cyclists resolve their anger peacefully. Good christ no. "U-Lock Vengeance" is a phrase many cyclists may use playfully, but for a chosen few road warriors it ain't no joke, it is a way of life. It is "conflict resolution" the Bush administration can appreciate. Now I've often fantasized about smashing out some derelict's side-view for one reason or another (mainly because said offender has narrowly avoided killing me), but I don't. Nah, I try to take the high road whilst not becoming road kill. But there are some that have caused their fair share of damage, often I feel at the expense of riders everywhere. I'm not going to lie, though- in my heart of hearts I can't blame 'em. But ultimately, I have a hard time reconciling the ends justifying the means.

An acquaintance of mine told me how he once caught up with a car that came seriously close to running him down. Instead of bashing the car's side-view, he calmly tapped on the driver's window and informed him that if it ever happened again, the u-lock was going through his window. Now that seems to me like a fair compromise.

At the end of the day, folks, we are all capable of turning into frothing maniacs when we are on the road. I'm sure people on horseback back in the medieval times had similar experiences.

But instead of u-locks, they had swords. Awesome.